I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize