If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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