Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
