If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
