I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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