can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think your dad took our porno
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
