porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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