I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
