you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
