This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize