so that wasnt chicken after all
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize