if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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