Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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