i was born a porn star she said
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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