I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
where does the pee come out of this thing
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
