We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
