it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
