Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
