Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
