I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
