I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
