Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
