pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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