My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
