Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
