1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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