Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
