This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
