i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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