her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
