beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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