She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
