If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
