last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
