My friends, they love my intelligence
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
