Im at strip club and am horny
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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