I am in a vortex of obligation.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
