His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
