she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
