Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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