Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You did what with his pubic hair?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
