Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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