It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Boobs are out for the taking
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
