Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize