The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
