I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize