I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Boobs are out for the taking
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
