I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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