Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
