4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
