I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
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