Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
