Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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