i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
