ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
