I just pynch a tree in the face
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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