4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
