I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
