this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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