He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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