I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
