He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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