Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
