Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
