Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
