Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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