I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
