Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
