i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
