You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
