Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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