You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
