so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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