I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
