if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think your dad took our porno
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize