I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
