it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
