Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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