Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
